{"id":31225,"date":"2026-06-12T14:01:17","date_gmt":"2026-06-12T14:01:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/macite.tg\/?p=31225"},"modified":"2026-06-12T14:01:31","modified_gmt":"2026-06-12T14:01:31","slug":"fait-divers-le-drame-du-poulet-bicyclette","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/macite.tg\/?p=31225","title":{"rendered":"FAIT DIVERS\u00a0: Le drame du poulet bicyclette\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

C\u2019est l\u2019histoire de Christian, cadre sup\u00e9rieur tr\u00e8s s\u00e9rieux dans une grande entreprise de la place. Christian est le genre d’homme qui porte des costumes sur mesure, ne d\u00e9passe jamais la limite de vitesse et utilise des expressions comme \u00ab Synergie op\u00e9rationnelle \u00bb ou \u00ab \u00c0 date \u00bb.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Un jeudi apr\u00e8s-midi, le Grand Patron envoie un e-mail solennel \u00e0 l\u2019ensemble des 850 employ\u00e9s<\/strong> de la bo\u00eete pour annoncer une restructuration majeure et la mise en place d’un \u00ab plan d’aust\u00e9rit\u00e9 budg\u00e9taire strict \u00bb. En gros : ambiance tendue, finies les d\u00e9penses inutiles, on serre la ceinture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christian lit l\u2019e-mail. Mais Christian a la t\u00eate ailleurs. Sa seule obsession du moment, c\u2019est son plan pour le d\u00eener du soir avec ses potes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Il veut envoyer un SMS \u00e0 sa femme pour lui demander de g\u00e9rer le menu, mais distrait par un coup de fil sur son portable, il d\u00e9cide plut\u00f4t de lui \u00e9crire un mail rapide depuis son ordinateur. Il tape fr\u00e9n\u00e9tiquement :<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

\u00ab Ma ch\u00e9rie, oublie leur plan d’aust\u00e9rit\u00e9 \u00e0 deux balles, ce soir c\u2019est la f\u00eate. S’il te pla\u00eet, passe au resto du coin et prends-nous quatre bons poulets bicyclette bien brais\u00e9s, beaucoup de piment et un casier de bi\u00e8res bien fra\u00eeches. Ce soir, on se p\u00e8te le bide, j’ai faim comme un loup ! Je t’aime mon c\u0153ur. \u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christian est fier de lui. Il clique sur envoyer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Le bug de la matrice<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Le probl\u00e8me ? Dans sa pr\u00e9cipitation, Christian n’a pas ouvert un nouveau message. Il avait toujours le mail du Grand Patron ouvert en arri\u00e8re-plan. Et au lieu de cliquer sur \u00ab Transf\u00e9rer \u00bb, son doigt a gliss\u00e9 sur le bouton le plus dangereux de l’histoire de l’humanit\u00e9 : \u00ab R\u00e9pondre \u00e0 tous \u00bb<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pendant deux minutes, rien ne se passe. Le silence avant la temp\u00eate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Puis, le t\u00e9l\u00e9phone fixe de Christian se met \u00e0 sonner. C\u2019est sa coll\u00e8gue de bureau, en larmes\u2026 de rire. \u00ab Christian\u2026 regarde tes mails envoy\u00e9s. Tout de suite. \u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christian regarde. Son sang ne fait qu’un tour. Il devient instantan\u00e9ment plus blanc que son propre traitement de texte. Son message d\u2019amour, de poulet brais\u00e9 et de bi\u00e8res fra\u00eeches vient d\u2019\u00eatre livr\u00e9 dans la bo\u00eete de r\u00e9ception des 850 employ\u00e9s. Y compris les stagiaires. Y compris la RH. Y compris\u2026 le Grand Patron.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

La contre-attaque g\u00e9n\u00e9rale<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dans n\u2019importe quelle entreprise normale, Christian aurait pr\u00e9par\u00e9 son carton pour prendre la porte. Mais c’est l\u00e0 que la magie du web et de la solidarit\u00e9 entre coll\u00e8gues a op\u00e9r\u00e9.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Un premier coll\u00e8gue de la comptabilit\u00e9 r\u00e9pond \u00e0 tous :<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00ab C\u2019est d’accord Christian, mais j’am\u00e8ne les allocos ! \u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Un autre du service marketing encha\u00eene :<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00ab S’il reste une cuisse de poulet bicyclette, je valide la restructuration ! \u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

En moins de dix minutes, c’est l’anarchie la plus totale. Le serveur de l’entreprise menace de sauter sous le poids des m\u00e8mes de poulets brais\u00e9s. Tout le monde y va de son commentaire. Christian, lui, est sous son bureau, en position f\u0153tale, cherchant comment s’enfuir vers un pays sans connexion internet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Le mot de la fin<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c0 17h, le signal sonore d\u2019un nouveau mail retentit simultan\u00e9ment sur les 850 ordinateurs de l\u2019immeuble. L’exp\u00e9diteur ? Le Grand Patron en personne.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Le bureau devient tellement silencieux qu\u2019on pourrait entendre une cl\u00e9 USB tomber. Christian ferme les yeux, pr\u00eat \u00e0 recevoir la foudre.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Le mail du patron s’ouvre :<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

\u00ab \u00c0 l’attention de Christian. Note bien que le budget de l\u2019entreprise ne couvrira pas le casier de bi\u00e8res. En revanche, si ton piment est vraiment bon, je m’invite \u00e0 table. La r\u00e9union de crise est annul\u00e9e, place au poulet. \u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Moralit\u00e9 de l’histoire :<\/strong> Avant de parler de vos envies de poulet brais\u00e9 \u00e0 votre moiti\u00e9, v\u00e9rifiez toujours trois fois la ligne \u00ab Destinataire \u00bb. Ou alors, assurez-vous que votre patron a une bonne descente !<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Charli<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

@macite.tg        <\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

E-mail : <\/em><\/strong>maciteinfo@gmail.com<\/em><\/strong><\/a>; <\/em><\/strong>bawela1@gmail.com<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pour vos annonces, publi-reportages, etc., joignez-nous au (00228)91515309\/79872224 <\/strong><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

www.macite.tg, L\u2019information, la bonne !<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

C\u2019est l\u2019histoire de Christian, cadre sup\u00e9rieur tr\u00e8s s\u00e9rieux dans une grande entreprise de la place. Christian est le genre d’homme qui porte des costumes sur mesure, ne d\u00e9passe jamais la limite de vitesse et utilise des expressions comme \u00ab Synergie op\u00e9rationnelle \u00bb ou \u00ab \u00c0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":31226,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-31225","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-actualite","category-fait-divers"],"yoast_head":"\nFAIT DIVERS\u00a0: Le drame du poulet bicyclette\u2026 -<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/macite.tg\/?p=31225\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"FAIT DIVERS\u00a0: Le drame du poulet bicyclette\u2026 -\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"C\u2019est l\u2019histoire de Christian, cadre sup\u00e9rieur tr\u00e8s s\u00e9rieux dans une grande entreprise de la place. 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